less than two years ago, i met a stranger. and we became friends, and then close friends. i confided in them, and them in me. i told them about my gender dysphoria, something i didn't think i'd tell anyone any time soon. they were kind to me and i hope i've been kind to them.
they like to tease me, sometimes. wickedly cruel i'd accuse them of being, cheeky little grins on our faces. their presence would soothe me when i was restless; when we were out with friends, their presence was a gentle reminder that i was in the company of at least one person that thought a little like me. made uncomfortable we would share a furtive glance and i would be reassured that it wasn't just me.
less so now. they are cruel to me more, and no longer in a way that lets us share a grin. mean words sting with venom when they once didn't. i joke, and i'm told to be quiet. i disagree, and i'm shot down and undermined. they push me into uncomfortable positions. they know the things that upset me and sometimes they will "joke" about them anyway. i don't accuse them of being wickedly cruel anymore. i've asked them to stop, and they said they'd try, and nothing changed. and later they apologised if they've been too mean recently, and i said yes, please, it really sucks, please stop. and they said they'd try to do better, but they can't promise anything. and so i used to find comfort in their company, and now it is cold, and that breaks my heart.
i thought our friendship burned brightly, but i know that things that burn brightly fade away quickly. i hope this is just a wobble, that things could be as they were not too long ago, but it's hard to keep patience when they can't even say that they'll stop hurting me. and to hurt each other is human, and people hurt each other all the time, that is life, that is part of what it means to alive, and to be with people. it's messy. but i deserve respect too, broken little thing that i am, and i can't keep taking it. pulled taut, something must give eventually.